Here’s Chapter 1 of my book, me — Being What I’ve Always Been. It’s the moment everything shifted for me — the first time I realized I wasn’t experiencing the world directly, but the reality of my own consciousness. This chapter sets the tone for the journey that follows. I hope it resonates with you the way that moment changed me.
1
Oh Shit
Each time something significant happens in my life — or in the world — it’s interesting how it can fuse with whatever else I was doing at the time. Big events create anchors.
9/11, for example. I’ll always remember where I was and what I was doing as I listened to the terrible events of that day unfold on my car radio, driving from Oak Hills up to Santa Maria, California.
The same was true the first time my perception shifted — briefly — into the realization that I wasn’t looking out from behind my eyes at reality but was instead experiencing the reality of my consciousness. It was 2017. I had been painting the interior of my house, and on this day, I was working in the hallway near a guest bedroom.
“Oh shit,” I whispered.
I’ll never forget it. I doubt that’s the typical response most people have, but it sure was mine. The moment wasn’t dramatic or prolonged. It wasn’t about what I was doing. It simply happened — a flash, then gone — but it was enough to hook my interest even more and strengthen my commitment to my then‑young meditation practice. More importantly, it strengthened my commitment to living the way I had just briefly experienced, but more often. For me, that moment marked a point of no return.
I remember standing there, paintbrush in hand, the smell of fresh paint lingering in the air. My heart raced — not from exertion, but from the sudden, dizzying shift in a perception of that magnitude. For a moment, the hallway seemed brighter, sharper, as if reality itself had tilted.
After that day, I found myself replaying the moment over and over. I’d catch myself in the middle of mundane tasks — making coffee, walking the dog — wondering, like a true doubting Thomas, whether I was experiencing the natural world directly or the reality of my own consciousness. It was unsettling but also exhilarating.
After all, I had spent most of my life assuming I was experiencing the natural world directly, when all along I had been — and still am — experiencing the reality of my consciousness.
What is the biological basis of consciousness? How do brains do this?
These questions are among the great unanswered mysteries in science, often appearing on lists of the most profound puzzles that researchers are passionately working to solve.
These days, anyone can ask their AI companion whether they experience our own consciousness or the natural world directly and begin to understand that consciousness exists privately for each of us. This is likely where some will begin to feel psychologically uncomfortable. No one wants to be confused about something so central to their lives. I know I didn’t
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